Posted at Friday, November 06, 2015, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
Wednesday, November 7th 1990, at 3:50am, I was
born to be a girl, the fifth child of Rahman’s family and was given a name
which means ‘Evening’. I was raised by
both of my parents gracefully and thanks to God for giving me chances to see this
beautiful world that nobody can ever question why it has to be amazingly great
and breathtaking. I am, a girl who will always wonder, always questioning
myself of why can’t I be good like those who can be a doctor, like those who
can be an engineer, like those who can be a scientist? And why did everything
seem to be impossible for me to catch?
I am, a girl who can not feel proud of myself, can not be
good enough to myself and will always compare myself to those who are greater
than me. I am, a girl, who can never be good enough to my dear self but keep on
inquiring about things I can not afford and achieve.
And I am, a girl, who wants to be everything to myself. I
want to be good in everything, although many have said that it was impossible
to be good in everything but I want it, I want to be good in everything because
I have seen, I have witnessed, I have listened, and I have heard people
underestimated me, louder than my heart’s voice; sinking in deep down my heart
and flooding inside my mind. They are running in my veins like a jolt of
electric shock and tugging at my beating heart until it feels hurt as if
someone is gripping on it tight, clenching on it; leaving no room for the air
to run through it that it makes me succumb my life to the point I can not even
breathe.
I am, a girl, who doesn’t believe, doesn’t trust in compliment.
I barely or most likely do not appreciate praises. It sounds so deceiving to my
ears and I think that everybody is making fun of me, winding me up, giving me
such a beautiful lies but then hurting me to the point I can not believe in
everything I am doing and make me feel rather useless. I do not trust people,
either.
I am, a girl, who keeps on over thinking things that it
pains me, saddens me, scratching my heart and push myself off the cliff;
letting my dear self drown in the darkness.
Trust issues, over thinking… These two things, people
have said to never let it dominate my mind, controlling every fiber of my brain
until it refuses to work on the positivity but I can not do that. My brain
insists on working that way, in an antic that nobody can ever comprehend of the
way I make it run inside my head.
I have tried, harder than everyone could think but it
fails miserably. I ask myself how? I ask my best friend how, I ask everyone who’s
closest to me how and they mostly said the same thing yet I can not choose the
options they were given to me. It is hard.
Aside of those, I am good at smiling, I am good at
laughing, I am good at hiding things, I am…secretive, people can not read my
mind, can not read what lies in beneath these eyes and people have said that I
am… unpredictable.
That is true; I can not understand myself either. And if
someone ever admits that he or she understands me better, that is probably a
sweet lie to make me comfortable. I am bad, I am evil to myself. I do not let
myself happy; I do not cheer myself up. There are ways to light up my day but
deep inside me, I believe I do not deserve any. Why?
It is—because I lack of everything.
But, I forgot…aside of my weakness, I found myself
adoring arts quite too much. The art of living, the art of singing, the art of
dancing, the art of writing, the art of drawing, the art of speaking and the
art of everything; these seem to be one of the things that leads me to
happiness. I believe I could not be happy, yes, but now I believe that I can
fly up in the sky with the name of art.
I was, a girl who had always wanted to be good in
drawing. From the age of eleven, when one of my classmates was better than me
in creating arts, I cried. I tried harder to draw, to make a piece of art that
could be shown to the world that I am good at it.
Sadly, at the age of fifteen, when I finally able to
create a piece of which Avril Lavigne plastered on it, one of my friends said
that it was not good and it looked horrible. Again, I cried and almost gave up
but I certainly did not.
Yet again at the age of seventeen, someone had said that
it wasn’t good for my future, would not give me a bright future, it would be
only a thing that people might not be proud of, a thing that nobody would ever
want to lay an eye on and would be something just like a piece of trash and way
too priceless to be shown.
She was
my inspiration but then she was being
the one who snatched my precious self away. I gave up to it and made it as a
hobby that meant merely nothing to hold onto. I created pieces of drawing but
that was it. Only drawings and uploaded on my SNS account. People encouraged me
to be an artist but none of it could be digested because I knew that I couldn’t,
be it an artist, a designer, a fine art teacher. None of it could be a thing
that could make her proud.
I wasted for eight years, giving up to doing a good art
because I knew, she would never
approve, hence I did not focus. If I chose to focus and shrugged everything she had said to me, I might be someone
who could already create a fantastic art / abstract / paintings / digital and
all / also with the name of Hyperrealism Art or way greater than that or
perhaps I am now a graphic designer / an artist / or whatever job that related
to arts but no.
I am now, only someone who keeps on struggling to be good
at it. I woke up, pulling myself up and struggled more to open their eyes. I tried harder to make her realize, that Ashley could not be a
doctor, Ashley could not be a teacher, Ashley could not be a scientist, Ashley
could not be a preacher, Ashley could not be anything but someone who can work
24/7 for arts. Ashley can work with anything that is related to art.
November 6th 2015, she has now realized that Ashley can work for it but it is too late
and things can not be back to the very first day when Ashley realized that she
was a human with skills and not grade.
Certainly, 25 years has passed and I am now, still a
person who keeps on struggling harder to make people stop underestimating her;
stop seeing her as a trash, stop judging her like she is a beggar.
But, I am…already good to myself. I can laugh like others
did, I can smile the widest, I will try harder and harder to stop over thinking
and forgive all of those people who have hurt me. I am now, giving a space to
the positivity to sink in; sitting on my shoulders. I deserve to be happy, aren’t
I? I deserve to get whatever I want, aren’t I? And I can be someone who can
appreciate herself, can’t I?
Yes, I can. There is nothing impossible in this life.
Happy birthday Ashley; Happy birthday dear self, you are your future, you are
your smile, you are the laughter that will fill the air, you are the strength
to yourself, you are the joy, the fun, you are the tears, you are the sorrows
but you are also the remedy. You and yourself are the everything that you need
and, I love me.
Last but not least, Happy birthday, Ashley.
Posted at Tuesday, December 31, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
Assalamualaikum and 안녕하세요 여러분!
Nah.. I'm standing here again to wish you a very Happy New Year 2014! May this new year gives you a thousand chance to catch all your dreams and to realize each of them. I wanna say thanks to everybody who loves me and support me for all this time, may Allah bless you, have a good life in 2014, stay in a good health, and happy always. Never forget. also to all my haters, may Allah bless you and have a great life. Forgive me for all my mistakes that I've done to you, forgive for all my harsh words, forgive me for all my weakness, I hope we can start a new life with good relationships. I've created lots of good memories in 2013, but never forget all the bittersweets that couldn't stop running in and out of my head, all of them make me realize that time is moving and will never stop. Syukur Alhamdulillah, thanks to Allah that until tonight and today, I'm still breathing and still alive with a good health and a good life. Thanks to Allah for everything that's happened in 2013. Now I just don't wanna care about all the hates, all the haters who won't stop judging me and hating me, I don't care because I know, you're also a human and still have weakness. Nobody's perfect in this world. No matter how good you are, no matter how rich you are, you're still a servant of Allah. Life is too short to be wasted. Just let bygone be bygone. Deep in my heart, yes I'm disappointed with the haters, but positively, I'm trying to forgive you and trying to not to think about you. I'm just a human, normal human, still have weakness just like you. I know you won't stop judging me but honestly, thanks to you. Now I know that I should be a better person and start a new life positively. Put all the negative aside and forgive everyone. ''It's not easy to forgive.'' Yes it's not easy to forgive, but I'm trying to. And to all my lovely twitlist / followers / following / everyone, thank you so much! I do appreciate everything that you've done. Sometimes all of you being so nice to me, I'm so touched. Thank you.
For the last words.
Run for your life. Catch your dreams. Never give up. Don't forget to say Alhamdulillah [for muslims]. Have a good day. May Allah bless all of you. Stay healthy.
The past is past. Let all the memories fly away. Grab a new book. Write a new story. Wrap the past and stored them in your mind because it's hard to forget and to be erased. - Ashley. Assalamualaikum.
Posted at Wednesday, November 06, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
11.21PM - 6 NOVEMBER 2013
Assalamualaikum.. herm, only 39 minutes
left to my birthday and yes, it's my birthday. Happy yet so nervous and I don't
know why I feel so nervous, like someone special will coming tonight but I know
the answer would be NO. As usual, the date won;t be that special to me and
everyone. It's just... A DATE where the people lives happily just like
yesterday, and the day before. It's okay, I'm used to it and will always try to
fix the truth with myself and my daily life. I only have one wish on my
birthday, I just wanna be free from sorrows. I wanna be happy like others and I
don't wanna see myself crying in front of the mirror just to stop the tears
from falling down my cheek. Ya Allah, bless me, bless my family and friends.
They need to be happy, I wish I could be the one who can heal them. They don't
deserve to be hurt. To everybody out there, I'm not hoping for your gift,
present etc.. a LINE of DOA is enough for me, *Sorry ENGRISH.*
In 23 years, there's one day that make me
so special to everyone. That's a day in the past 4 years, my friends were
celebrated my birthday and they had given me a surprise 'little party' with a
cute chocolate cake, they 'applied' the cream on my face, and yeah my face turn
to a zombie. Little party yet so BIG for me. That was the only day that I could
feel, I was special to them and everyone. Thanks to you bro. I appreciate, and
I feel very honored. Ma, Papa, thanks for everything, thanks for loving me as ur
Okay, I suddenly lose my word and don;t
know what else to be wrote in here. Thanks guys, thanks for the wish, thanks
for everything. Much love from me to all of ya. Take care and have a nice day. <3
A BIRTHDAY IS ONLY A DATE, BUT THAT'S THE ONLY DATE WHO SET UP YOUR HISTORY. - ASHLEY COUNTLESS
Posted at Friday, July 19, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
ASSALAMUALAIKUM...
11th anniversary??? What's that mean? Yeah 2013, ma 11th anniversary with ma sweet bestie named Axee. This is our 11th year for our friendship and I'm so so so happy to have a friend just like her. She's ma childhood friend and until today, we're still together. Yeay!! Do you know why I'm using HunHan and ChanBaek as the photo of this entry? Because our relationship are great just like those OTP. Thanks to Allah that we're still in a good relationship, care about each other family and ourselves. Thanks to you also dear Aziera / Axee for being my greatest friend that always support me, care about me, be a good adviser to me.. I'm happy with that, and really appreciate your kindness. I want you to know that I love you so much dear bestie. Even though you're far from me, but you're still in ma heart and will never forget you. Again, Happy birthday to you dear, hahah. Now, you're older than me, wekkkk! May Allah bless you and have a blissful day. Always smile in whatever situation okay ? I want you to read this entry and please be noticed that you'll always be on the top of ma superb bestie's chart of mine. hahah xD I just can't believe that we had spent a lot of time together, it's been 11 years since I met you on the assembly. Hoho. Your words, your acts at that moment's still on ma mind and will never be erased. Last words, I LOVE YOU, MUAH!
Posted at Thursday, July 18, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
Assalamualaikum and 안녕 guys! How's your day? Good? Bad? or worst? hehe ^^ Btw I really miss you guys and really miss ma black diary.
PRACTICAL....
On 1st of July I had moved to Perak to complete my practical or L.I and from that day I've been scheduled, quite busy with ma activity so I had to put ma fangirl thingy and bloggy thingy aside. Now, just got the chance to update ma black diary. Fewh, I actually out of words, LMAO. On the first week at Jabatan Veterinar, Miss Iqhwaniah 'thrown' us in Goat's Unit and guess what? The smell, Oho.. they killed ma nose, but after we're having an eye-to-eye session with all the goats.. They're nice and cute actually. hahah xD their kids,sooooooo adorable! I just named them. hahah xD The one that I really love is Janet. Unfortunately, She's passed away yesterday. She left me.. I was so sad.. She's the cutest among the kids. T.T poor her. *eh, by the way lah kan.. I know that ma English isn't that good, but just ignore lah yer. I have to practice more often for my presentation soon. hahah xD* All I got from the goat's unit is just awesome. Lots of experience, memories, friends etc. They're nice and sweet, even me, Alyaa and Yaya were new in their 'world' but we could get along just like a great family, spending time together, having chats and so on. I love it. Thanks for your kindness. haha. You know, throwback in the past few years all I thought about milking the goat's just cheesy and.. euwww.. haha but when I did on maself, the first thing that appeared in ma mind was.. "Hey, I wanna do it more and more. It's fun." Seriously it was fun and mind blowing!! hahah xDD You would know how to milked the goats, pull their nipple and... fushhh!! The milk's out, and it's hot just like a milk that had been pasteurized. haha. Their milks are yummeh!! xD
BE A DOCTOR.
WHAT?? Hoho.. That's impossible. Anyway, being a doctor to a goat is so so hard. You need to calm him down, hold him with full of energy and strength then INJECT! hoho. Seems cruel but you have to. To cure, to treat them and take a good care of their health. That's important to our livestock. Hehe. At first, I was afraid to give them an injection of vaccine but.... they told me to not to think about "poor them.. pity, sympathy..etc,," just put all the "kindness" aside. It won't work and won't make them staying alive and healthy. So I just took the syringe and.. starts to put a cruel inside me and close ma eyes...then INJECT! Hoho finally I did it! It's worth it and it gave me a new experience and adding some braveness mixture inside me. LOL xD But no matter what, I still couldn't get along with a friend called BLOOD. I HATE THEM. They once asked me to join the club for the blood sample testimony or whatever. So I went to the Shed C to check them out and 'grabbing' the information. At the time Mr.Andi briefed about the blood sample thingy I was like.. "..feels like vomiting a fish..." and slowly I stepped back, moved to the Janet's pen and I said to Mr.Andi that I hate blood and didn't want to trouble anyone because of ma faintness. Fortunately he understood and just lemme stay at the Janet's pen. Fewh! Alyaa and Yaya so strong and great that they could 'grabbed' the blood from the goats. Congrats. hahah xD
THAT'S IT...
Yeah and that's it... That's all for today.. I'm so sleepy to continue ma words. Lots of experience that I wanna share with all of you ma silent readers but since I need to wake up early in the morning for tomorrow's practical so I wish you a good good night, have a sweet dreams and see ya in Lulu land! Enjoy ma words, thanks for reading and Assalamualaikum. Anyway selamat berpuasa. It's not too late isn't it? hehe.. 안녕 여러분!!
Posted at Tuesday, May 21, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
슬픈데요 정말.
I HATE YOU DEAR ASDFGHJKL NEIGHBOR.
STOP PRETENDING LIKE YOU ARE THE MOST PERFECT PERSON IN THE
WORLD DEAR NARIZAN. YES, I WANT YOU TO KNOW THAT I HATE YOU. YOU WANNA KNOW WHY?
BECAUSE YOU LOVE TO UNDERESTIMATE OTHERS. DON’T YOU EVER THINK THAT YOU’RE GOOD
IN EVERY ASPECT OF LIFE, DO YOU? YOU ARE THE MOST ARROGANT I THINK. YOU SAID
THAT MY POINTER ISN’T GOOD ENOUGH, AND HOW ABOUT YOU? IF YOUR GRADE IS AWESOME,
THEN BE A DOCTOR. BUT YOU COULDN’T. WHY? BECAUSE WE’RE IN THE SAME LEVEL OF
EDUCATION, AREN’T WE? YOU’RE GOOD IN RELIGIOUS ASPECT? YES, MAYBE, BUT YOU DON’T
EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE ITS BENEFIT. THAT’S WHY YOU LOVE TO POT PET HERE AND THERE
TO SHOW THAT YOU’RE GOOD AND ALREADY OWNED A TICKET TO THE HEAVEN. AM I WRONG? HA…YOU
SAID THAT I DON’T HAVE A ‘GREAT GADGET’ LIKE YOURS, BUT I HAVE A GOOD ATTITUDE.
I’M NOT LIKE YOU WHO LOVE TO SHOW OFF YOUR GADGETSSSS. YES I DON’T OWN AN ‘IPAD
10’ BUT I KNOW HOW TO USE THEM IN
A GOOD WAY , WHILE YOU? YOU KNOW NOTHING. YOU LOVE
TO ASK ME AND MY SISTER A ‘HOW TO’. DEMM YOU JUST EXPLORE THE GADGET LAH DUDE.
BUAT APA ADA
BENDA TU BANYAK – BANYAK KALAU TAK RETI GUNA? YA ALLAH, YOU TOTALLY BURNED MY
HEART. YOU WANNA SEE ME IN A DRAGON COSTUMES? THEN COME HERE AND SAID THAT I’M
STUPID. BY THE WAY, IT’S MY RIGHT TO DECIDE MY OWN LIFE. WHERE I WANNA GO, WHAT
I WANNA DO, IS MY CHOICE NOT YOURS. UNDERSTOOD DEAR NEIGHBOR? USE YOUR BRAIN TO
THINK. STOP BEING A HUNGRY CAT WHO LOVES TO HANG ON THEIR OWNER’S LEG AND ASK
FOR A FOOD. YOU KNOW WHAT I MEANT, RIGHT? I WISHED I COULD KILL YOU ON THE DAY
THAT YOU SAID MY POINTER WASN’T GOOD. AND….AND..AND…KALAU DAH BANYAK HARTA SANGAT, BELILAH BANGLO 7 TINGKAT THEN
SHOW US. KATA BANYAK DUIT KAN…. CIK NARIZAN..., HIDUP KITA TAK LAMA, KALAU DAH
RASA DIRI TU CUKUP AMAL, BAWAK2 LAH ISTIGHFAR. TAK BAIK MENGUTUK, MENGATA,
MERENDAH – RENDAH KAN ORANG LAIN. ALLAH MARAH, RASULULLAH PUN TAK SUKA TAU? KITA
HIDUP BUKAN NAK MENONGKAT LANGIT. SAYA TAHU, SAYA PUN TAK BANYAK AMAL MACAM
AWAK. TAPI SEKURANG – KURANGNYA, SAYA TAK HATI BUSUK MACAM AWAK. HA, SAYA
TAHULAH BLACKBERRY SAYA TU DAH TAKDE, AND PAKAI CHAMP JE. TAPI SAYA RASA TAK
PAYAH KOT AWAK KATA ’HA? PAKAI CHAMP JE?’ SEBAB SAYA TAK BATAK GADGET MACAM
AWAK. AWAK NAMPAK KAKAK SAYA BELI IPHONE, AWAK BELI NOTE II, KALI NI KAKAK SAYA
TUKAR Z10, AWAK TAK NAK TUKAR S4 KE? KE NAK S5 YANG SAMSUNG TENGAH PLAN TU? HA,
PILIH JE MANA SATU AWAK NAK. AWAK KAN BANYAK DUIT. TAK PUN, BAWAK2 LA
BERSEDEKAH KAT ANAK YATIM KALAU DAH BANYAK DUIT SANGAT. SEBAB TAK BAIK MENUNJUK
– NUNJUK NI.. KESIAN SAYA TENGOK AWAKLAH. REMEMBER DEAR NEIGHBOR, THINK TWICE
BEFORE SPEAKED, BECAUSE I’M NOT A DUMMY LIKE....YOU! 알았어 바보야?? 난 니가 정말 싫어요. 싫어!!!! 알겠이? 넌 나뿐이야, 나뿐!!아이고.....
THERE YOU GO, MY 'CONFESSION'.. BYE2.
Posted at Tuesday, April 23, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (1)
Assalamualaikum and annyeong!
and.... YEAY!! MY HANGUL HANDWRITING IMPROVED! I've practiced to this for a long long time. Haha. Now, it's improved a bit. XD
OH.. Ok. that's ma self cam. Just ignore the photo. LOL XD Not cute at all. Haha SO.. THE FINAL EXAM IS COMING! KNOW WHAT, I MALAS GILA NAK STUDY NI. KEPALA ASYIK INGAT NAK CUTI JE. PENAT SANGAT. T.T I DON'T FEELS LIKE READING SEKARANG NI.. TOLONGGGGGGGG! TAK LARAT DAH JADI MALAS NI. haha. Subject yang paling I malas nak study is... FISH. Oh, IDKW.. ianya sangat annoying, nak kena ingat kedalaman kolam lah, jenis kolam la, nama scientific ikan lah. Ya Allah.. kenapalah leceh sangat. T.T Menci tahu tak menci... T.T Second is.. ETR. Aigoo.. I HATE NUMBERS. NOT A PRO...AT ALL! I tak suka nak balance2, and kira - kira ni. Pening pala hotak I nak fikir. Hahah. BY THE WAY WISH ME LUCK GUISE!! Hope semua sihat2 belaka dan sejahtera hendakNya. That's all for today. Annyeong!!
Posted at Monday, April 22, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (1)
ASSALAMUALAIKUM.. yeah.. today I wanna share about GWIYOMI.. YEAH!
BUT.. WAIT3.. WHAT IS GWIYOMI? A FOOD? A LOCATION OR WHAT? OKAY....
"The Gwiyomi Song, or Kwiyomi Song (귀요미 송), is a K-pop single by South Korean singer Hari and was released on February 18, 2013. It was inspired by a gesture from a member of a South Korean boy group, BtoB named Jung Ilhoon. The gesture is called 'Gwiyomi Player', which became an Internet meme in October 2012 followed by its first appearance on a South Korean variety show under SBS MTV named MTV Diary. The gesture has also inspired many Asian netizens to upload their own versions onto the internet."
YEAH.. THAT'S THE MEANING OF GWIYOMI...AND I WAS WONDERING..
Kenapa, kenapa, kenapa dan...KENAPA wujudnya BASH'ment' dalam hal - hal yang remeh sebegini? Don't you know that the respect is needed nowadays? Okay.. lemme explain...
Pada mulanya Gwiyomi song and player ni popular dikalangan 'masyarakat' yang dipanggil Kpoppers sahaja. Back then bila kami sebut gwiyomi pada orang yang bukan peminat Kpop memang tercengang lah bila dengar kan. But now...Gwiyomi song and player ni dah tersebar luas. Search saja dekat youtube, pelbagai jenis dan ragam Gwiyomi yang keluar termasuklah yang comel, yang tak mampu nak tengok dan yang sememeh. Kalau dah rasa diri tu tak mahu menambah dosa, baik stoplah duk mencari video - video Gwiyomi ni. Dah tahu akan menyakitkan mata, silalah jangan tengok. Ini tak.. pergi tengok then bash macam - macam. Mengata mengutuk tak tentu pasal. Then siapa suruh tengok? ARAHAN: SILA TUTUP MATA DAN JANGAN JADI PENGKRITIK YANG TIDAK BERGAJI. In addition, yang I heran.. bukan saja mengutuk, mengata.. siap babitkan issue keagamaan lah, tersesat, terpesong semua ada. Hai..tak fahamlah orang zaman sekarang ni. DAN... Kpoppers juga turut terkena tempias? Apalah salah kami.. Para Kpoppers tak pulak mengupdate video gwiyomi tu. Sebab kami hanya akan tengok gwiyomi player yang cute - mute named K-IDOLS. Kami tak tengok gwiyomi player yang bolh menyakitkan mata kami. Plus lagi.. GWIYOMI PUJA SETAN AND SAYANG YAHUDI? Aduh.. sempitnyalah otak orang yang keluarkan statement ni. Silalah jangan nak merapu tak tentu hala. Cari maksud dan selongkar dulu apa yang patut. Jangan main nak sembur statement tanpa usul periksa. Benda kecil macam ni pun nak bawak masuk gelanggang tinju. Mike Tyson tengok pun tak lalu nak layan perangai orang macam engkorang yang suka bash orang ni. Jadi TOLONGLAH YE.. PLEASE HAVE A RESPECT AND MIND YOUR MANNERS BILA BERKATA - KATA. BAK KATA ORANG, KERANA MULUT BADAN BINASA. RASULULLAH MENGAJAR KITA SUPAYA HORMAT MENGHORMATI ANTARA SATU SAMA LAIN. BUKANNYA SURUH MENGATA DAN MENGUTUK ORANG. SILA JAGA SIKAP. - Pesanan Ikhlas dari Bank Muamalat. EH? haahaha.
Sekian untuk hari ini. Assalamualaikum dan annyeong! ^^
Posted at Wednesday, April 10, 2013, Leave Your Sparkle[s] (0)
-SHOWER OF TEARS-
I could see it in your eyes, my swelling sad tears
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
It’s so awfully sad, even my forced smile looks teary
My glistening eyes reflect my bleak image, it looks so pitiful
I keep going blank, tears clog up starting from my throat, it feels like tears will spill if you poke me
Because I know myself, I’m just a crying good-for-nothing who is in regret for not catching you
I lament, why couldn’t I have been a better person for you?
I blame myself, why did I only have to watch you leaving me?
I should have known in the end that your selfish heart wanted a different fluttering
Although I’m crying, I’m eating so I guess I still want to live
My glistening eyes reflect my bleak image, it looks so pitiful
I keep going blank, tears clog up starting from my throat, it feels like tears will spill if you poke me
Because I know myself, I’m just a crying good-for-nothing who is in regret for not catching you
I lament, why couldn’t I have been a better person for you?
I blame myself, why did I only have to watch you leaving me?
I should have known in the end that your selfish heart wanted a different fluttering
Although I’m crying, I’m eating so I guess I still want to live
I could see it in your eyes, my swelling sad tears
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
I want to smile as if nothing happened but the embracing memories hold onto me
Are these tears flowing down your eyes as well?
Are these tears flowing down your eyes as well?
At first, it was drop by drop but it started to spill down for a while
Because I know that I have nothing at all, I lament because I can’t even be sad
I forcefully try to shake off your existence that still remains although my insides are burning up
I was a poor guy to the point where you had to coldly leave me
Even asking me to wait tires me out, words without promise
I have no confidence to tie you up anymore, I can’t give evasive excuses anymore
I couldn’t hide it anymore and just showed you my lacking image
I try to wash away my awfully good-for-nothing and dirty image with my tears
Because I know that I have nothing at all, I lament because I can’t even be sad
I forcefully try to shake off your existence that still remains although my insides are burning up
I was a poor guy to the point where you had to coldly leave me
Even asking me to wait tires me out, words without promise
I have no confidence to tie you up anymore, I can’t give evasive excuses anymore
I couldn’t hide it anymore and just showed you my lacking image
I try to wash away my awfully good-for-nothing and dirty image with my tears
I could see it in your eyes, my swelling sad tears
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
Let go of me, who is only shedding innocent tears
Let me go from someplace that isn’t your embrace
My heart hurts from being trapped in the memories of the past days and regret
Let me go from someplace that isn’t your embrace
My heart hurts from being trapped in the memories of the past days and regret
I miserably turn off the lights and pull the blanket over my head
I bury my face in the pillow and take a shower, a shower of tears
I bury my face in the pillow and take a shower, a shower of tears
I could see it in your eyes, my swelling sad tears
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
It’s still filling up my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks
THOSE
WORDS.. WHY DO I LIKE IT? BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION IN THE LYRICS.. I DON’T KNOW WHY… I COULD FEEL ‘HIS’
SITUATION.. ITS SORROWFUL AND THIS SONG MAKES ME WANNA SHED TEARS. T.T
*SETIAP INSAN ITU SEMEMANGNYA TIDAK SEMPURNA, IF KITA
REPAIR DIRI KITA MACAMANA SEKALIPUN, SEDIKIT SEBANYAK PASTI AKAN ADA
KEKURANGAN. MELIHAT SESEORANG ITU PERGI MENINGGALKAN KITA SEMEMANGNYA PERKARA
YANG AMAT MENYAKITKAN BAGI SETIAP INSAN. THIS IS THE PART THAT I LOVE THE MOST AND I COULD FEEL ALL
THE SORROWS THAT HE HAS TO FACE.
“It’s so awfully sad, even my forced smile looks
teary
My glistening eyes reflect my bleak image, it looks so pitiful
I keep going blank, tears clog up starting from my throat, it feels like tears will spill if you poke me
Because I know myself, I’m just a crying good-for-nothing who is in regret for not catching you…”
My glistening eyes reflect my bleak image, it looks so pitiful
I keep going blank, tears clog up starting from my throat, it feels like tears will spill if you poke me
Because I know myself, I’m just a crying good-for-nothing who is in regret for not catching you…”
” I lament, why couldn’t I have been a better person
for you?
I blame myself, why did I only have to watch you leaving me?
I should have known in the end that your selfish heart wanted a different fluttering
Although I’m crying, I’m eating so I guess I still want to live…”
I blame myself, why did I only have to watch you leaving me?
I should have known in the end that your selfish heart wanted a different fluttering
Although I’m crying, I’m eating so I guess I still want to live…”
“Let go of me, who is
only shedding innocent tears
Let me go from
someplace that isn’t your embrace
My heart hurts from
being trapped in the memories of the past days and regret
I miserably turn off
the lights and pull the blanket over my head
I bury my face in the
pillow and take a shower, a shower of tears
I could see it in your
eyes, my swelling sad tears
It’s still filling up
my heart and endlessly flowing down my cheeks..”
T.T
CAN’T READ AND EXPLAIN IT ANY LONGER.. THIS SONG REALLY MAKES ME SHEDDING MY
TEARS.. BUT I SWEPT THEM AWAY SINCE I NEED TO BE HAPPY AND STRONG LIKE OTHERS. - That's all. Bye my silent readers! ^^